Sunday, November 19, 2006

Too Early to Call

Tired. Tired at heart, tired to the bone. Soul tired. Third consecutive day of running from "o dark thirty" until after midnight.

I want to call her, but it's too early. She won't be home yet and I can't interrupt what she is doing right now. When I'm hurt or have walked too close to a gaping maw of dark human experience or am just soooo tired... I want to hear her voice.

The nature of this life is that often there is no time to heal or rest. This needs to be done now. That needs to be done immediately. Tomorrow is another set of obligations. Whether it hurts to walk or my shoulder won't stay in the socket as I type or I'm so tired that I slur simple words, those are only data points and things need to be done. Lots was done today, much of it for her. More will be done tomorrow, most of that for the agency. Sometime in between I will snatch three or maybe four hours of fitfull sleep.

I want to hear her voice. Even if I can't really carry on a conversation and have to have one ear on the radio and possibly type reports or look up criminals at the same time, I just want to hear her murmurring in my ear, talking about her day, prattling if she wants.

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